What the HELL was I thinking?

So, the other day my ex messaged me on facebook. Very few people know the story between me and him but let's just say I was in some serious lust at that time. Our relationship was short-lived going strong for 3 months and then fading away for an additional 6 months after that. All in all we were "together" for about 9 months. Did I love him? I am still wrestling with that question. I do have love for him. When our relationship had ended, I met Vincent Taylor and he helped me to sort through my feelings for my ex and eventually move on. So, I said all that to say when my ex messaged me the other day it stirred up some emotions, mostly memories. I reminisced about the good times. How close we were and some of the wild things we did together. We could not have been more opposite than oil and vinegar but somehow we mixed. Although, I do not ever ever ever ever want to see or be with him again, he will always have a special place in my heart. Of course, it is nice to know that he still thinks about me too. Possibly in future blogs I will go deeper into our relationship but for right now I just wanted to scratch the surface. After all is said and done, he goes into the category of 'What the HELL was I thinking?'

I am sure a lot of people have been there. I knew when I got with this guy he was not the one for me. Still, I jumped right into the relationship thinking 'I am just in it for a good time'. Little did I know that this so-called good time I was having could have transpired into a life time. Thank You Jesus for putting a halt to that. I have realized that there is no such thing as a 'good time' when it comes to dating. There are feelings involved and possibly a seed could evolve. What begins as nothing can develop into something literally over night. When I was with my ex, I lost who I was in him. I talked myself into believing this guy could be the one. I talked myself into believing I could change him. Big mistake! Again, 'What the HELL was I thinking?'

I am not saying that his feelings for me were not real or that his words were lies. What he considered success, I did not. We were on two different levels in two completely different worlds. I had gotten so stupid in love that I believed for a split second I could be happy with my hood love. Clearly, I did not know my worth back then. I need to be with HNIC. Maybe if he wasn't just a simple dopeboy and the kingpin instead we could have worked something out. (Don't judge me.) I learned my lesson and I don't plan on putting this car in reverse for no scrub.