I'm Not (that) Crazy

So, I am like the Queen of Facebook stalking. I can find out anything about you by literally page stalking. Yeah, sounds a little crazy but to me it's an entertaining hobby. I am still impressed by my own skills. I have found numerous childhood crushes via facebook stalking and my memory. I notice as I scroll through their pages I feel nostalgic like I am missing something. How can I miss something I never had or I never was any part of? *shrugs*
The way I search for people or minuscule details of others lives, you would think I was looking for something. What is it that I am looking for? Am I living in a past that doesn't exist? These people that I "lost" contact with I was never truly in contact with them. So, there is no past of us to regret. Maybe I regret not acting out or speaking up on my crush or my desire to be their friend. It is just an interesting thought. We search and read and learn about these people that we do not even hang out with daily or talk to daily. But why do we care what or how their lives are? My reasoning was I just like to know and I am bored. I am beginning to think that I am looking for something. I am wondering about the what ifs and the why nots. I do know that what I am looking for isn't on anyone's facebook pages. What I am searching for is myself. I am using my past as a reference to figure out who I was back then as compared to today. To see what has fostered my thinking of relationships in the present because in the future I want to make wiser decisions with no regrets. I don't want to do as I am now, looking at people's pages wishing we were more than facebook friends but real friends. I want to put myself out there from day one so I will know if our relationship (friend or foe) is supposed to grow or die.