I don't think I am in love with him. I think I just care about him a lot. I love to know how he is doing and what's going on in his life. It makes my heart smile to see him with his seed. To see him better himself for her needs. But at the end of the day, it will be him and his seed. I don't want to come between that. Maybe that's why I only watch from afar. Because I know there will never be a space for me in his heart. I'm not in love with him but I do care.....Okay, this is starting to sound like a poem. Definitely unintentional. I just wanted to jot down some thoughts because writing helps guide me to figuring out why I feel the way I do.
I think he is a great guy with some great goals. But it is hard for me to picture us as more than what we are. We can blame it on the distance between us. We can blame it on my mood swings. We can blame it on the lack there of communication. The finger can be pointed in many directions but at the end of the day I believe in love. Love doesn't let distance, mood swings, or anything stop it from loving another person. And that's how I know I'm not in love with you.
I do believe sometimes in my mind I tend to create more than what is actually there. I'm not sure if it is just a female thing or a human thing to take everything as more than what it is. For instance, if a guy tells me he wants to see me. I will probably interpret that as he wants to see me because he really likes me and want to be with me. When in actuality, the guy just wants to see me. I think men (well, real men) say what they mean the first time. If they tell you the love you, then they probably do. If he tells you likes you, they he does. But if he never comes to you and says he wants to be with you, then he doesn't. So, don't assume just because yall kick it that he wants to be with you. Shoot, maybe he just likes kicking it with you. Nothing to deep. I have been practicing take words especially from guys for its face value. Unless, the guy tells me specifically that is how he feels then I can't trip off the relationship I created in my head. Should I just give up or should just I keep chasing pavements?
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