I have been pretty complacent here. When I am in such a tranquil mood it is harder to blog. I still want to try. What has been on my mind? A lot. I am seeing such an amazing growth in myself. I did such a huge thing the other day. I apologized. I apologized to someone whom I had felt I hurt her feelings. I felt bad all night and half of the next day. So, when I saw her, I told her how I felt. The scariest moment was approaching her. But once I started talking, my words followed from my heart and it felt good. I usually tend to hide my feelings and I also let stuff sort of build up. I knew this year that I didn't want to let any relationships go to the wayside because I didn't come 100 percent. This apology taught us both something. It taught me how to push through even when the situation seems tight. And it taught her about me and my heart. When you don't say anything you come off cold-hearted. I am far from cold-hearted.
Still, life is a learning process and I am finally absorbing it. I keep praying for a changed heart/healed heart and apparently God answered my prays a long time ago. I am not just putting it into practice because I am so stubborn. I have to ask myself before I approach anything, 'What's the worst that could happen?'. Until the worst has happened, I can't deal with it until then.
There are three friendships, I regret losing in my lifetime. Three! If I could take back how I acted or what I said I would. But I can't. I think the hardest part with losing the relationships was realizing the problem was me. I am sorry for 2011 to anyone I have ever hurt both intentionally and unintentionally. It's been a long road ( and I still have a long way to go) but I am on the way to a better me! :-)
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